so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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