He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
