CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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