May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
