How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
