Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
