I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
