I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
