just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
