I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
