Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
