she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
