i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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