I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
