i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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