It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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