I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
