guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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