She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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