My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
