I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
