Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
