Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
