I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
