yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jerry, you need to find god
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
