i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
