My room smells like vodka and shame
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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