i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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