onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
