Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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