I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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