i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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