a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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