he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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