I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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