everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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