Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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