so that wasnt chicken after all
i already hear my dad disowning me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
