My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
