oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
