dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
