we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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