First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
