Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
