Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
