your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
