why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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