It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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