Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
