Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
