i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're like the curious george of whores
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
