i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Randomize
