Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize