I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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