please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
