Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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