ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
