I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
