There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she told me i tasted like america
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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