Just fell off a train. Bad.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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