You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
