I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
