i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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