Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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