I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
