I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
