So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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