In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
