My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
