I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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