I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
