kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
