I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
