The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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