I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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