You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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