Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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