cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
