she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
