I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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