the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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