Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
