Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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