Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize