How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
