I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
