Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize