I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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